Why

The first words I committed to this chronicle detailed a very brief, very general description of what I was doing and why. I promised to elaborate on the "why", and since I have had a considerable amount of down-time recently due to illness, I have decided to answer the question I am asked most often and thus to elaborate on exactly why I decided to become a volunteer, travel down to Chile, and teach English to Spanish speaking schoolchildren. Here goes...

When I decided to come to Chile, it was in an attempt to act on faith. For too long I had lived like so many self-titled Christians do in the United States; saying I believed one thing and then living the opposite. No real surprise there as historically hypocrisy has marked what we call the Church, the organized institution that is responsible for so many things that Christ himself would never be capable of. There are hoards of people in this world quick to point out this unfortunate fact: be it the Crusades, the Inquisition, or the Catholic Church's recent harboring and mistreatment of pedophiles and child molesters.

I discovered, or really truly came to understand, the complete disconnect between the Church in the United States (and really the Western World) and the fundamental teachings of Christ, teachings that are so basic that it is mind-blowing that people could screw them up. Love God and love people. There are entire books written about these two simple concepts and how the "American" lifestyle of individuality, security, and self-gratification is completely opposed them--thus I do not feel the need to delve past my own experience.

I was working a job I enjoyed, making decent money, and basically just moving through life without a terrible amount of regard for anybody else. Sure, I loved my friends and family and cared about them and their well being, but the Good Book states very clearly that everybody does that (Matthew 5:47). It became very clear to me very quickly that I, first, was relying only on myself and giving nominal gratitude to the Big Guy for it. "Thanks God that I'm making good money, have a savings and some insurance, and if anything happens to me I can take care of it myself." Jesus and his disciples walked around with nothing, and yet never wanted for anything. They relied solely on God to get them housing, food, everything. When Christ said not to worry about tomorrow, he didn't say "but go ahead and be sure you've got a five year plan too, just in case." That was my first realization, and one that led me to believe it was time to quit my job and actually trust God to make things happen. I had taken the job solely for security, and that no longer seemed to me a God-centered motive. I didn't know at first what I would be doing instead of working IT for a University, only that I needed to change things up.

The actual decision to come teach in Chile grew out of a desire to use whatever skills I'd been blessed with (which aren't many) to better people's lives, and to try and reach people in love and in service. At first that meant hanging around Atlanta for a while helping to feed the homeless and disenfranchised, because I had the money to give. Before long though, it became clear that God had a grander scheme in mind.
To be entirely truthful, and so that it doesn't seem like I'm trying to make a saint out of myself (I mean, come on, most of you know me) and to make things clear, this journey to a decision was not a purely spiritual one, and as pure as I'd like to think my motives were, one huge element other than my faith played a part.

Basically, I fell in love with a girl. There is an entire, rather sad (in every sense of the word) saga that surrounds that statement, but I will refer only to the pertinent elements. She was the first to mention Chile, in a more or less off-hand fashion, and that is how the idea first entered my head. I had considered teaching English abroad previously, as a possible lifestyle change that would lend itself more to service then to security, but never had I even thought about South America. It made sense though, since I had a strong desire to improve my Spanish to at least a medium level of fluency.

Through a series of events that involved a minor betrayal by someone who had been a close friend, and the realization that my love for ella was turning into a rather unrequited-esque scenario, it became clear that the time to leave had arrived. In a moment of heartbroken delirium, I applied to Ingles Abre Puertas on the very last day the application was due for the longest time period available: eight months. As for her, I figured if it was meant to be, then eight months wouldn't change that. When I got to Chile I was told of a poem that states,
"La distancia sabes, es como el viento. Apaga el fuego pequeño, pero enciende aquellos grandes."
I then got down on my knees and asked God to make things clear for me. If he wanted me in Chile, then he would make a way, because at the time it seemed a stretch.

He did made a way. The manner in which everything came together to get me down to Santiago in April was nothing short of divine. The major earthquake happened and threatened to make the whole endeavor a moot point. At the time, my boss even said to me, "Maybe that quake is God's way of saying not to go there." My answer was, "Or maybe it's God's way of checking to see if I'm serious." That next week I got the email saying the program was happening and if I still wanted to come down, I was welcome, but they would understand if I had changed my mind. I told them I was coming, quake or no. Many other smaller things came together, and still continue to. I have hypothyroidism and as such have to take levothyroxin, a prescription drug, every morning. I only had about a two month supply when I left the States and I was simply trusting on God to get me more, along with everything else. The day I took my last pill, the very day, a package came in the mail from my mom with enough meds to last me the rest of my time here. She had apparently managed to convince my doctor to load me up, and God got them to me the very day I needed them.

I've learned an incredible amount about my heart while I've been down here, and what it truly means to trust God for everything, and to have to minimize yourself and focus on others on a daily basis. So much about teaching kids is about sacrificing yourself, and as a volunteer, that's a huge task. Yet, it is a worthy one, and one I think Christ smiles on. So much about living in a culture where you don't speak the language is about humility. It's hard to makes things all about you when you can't even speak half the time, which is exactly the experience I needed. I needed to be shut up (as is probably clear from my writings, I have a propensity for talking about myself.) So much about living with strangers is about learning to love and to be loved on a very basic, very human level where sharing and giving are everyday requirements.

Then, of course, there is the desert. The vast empty wilderness that has forced my thoughts constantly back onto the Almighty and where I stand in His kingdom. I needed to feel insignificant and completely without control, because that is the truth.